My Gloves from a Bottle

As I walked through my local art supply shop today, I couldn’t help but notice a display for “Gloves in a Bottle”. The marketing on the bottle went straight over my head- far too many technical terms for my taste. Here is a perfect example straight from the product’s website:

The rational side of my inner monologue told me, “How ridiculous!”, but another said, “Don’t you think it’s worth $4.95 to find out if the product is as wonderful as it says? Don’t you think that’s pretty cheap for eliminating the nagging thought that you may have just passed the product of a lifetime?” Thankfully they had a free dispenser next to the counter, allowing me peace of mind without losing any of my hard-earned money. What followed was pure misery.

The recommendation of a “pea-sized” amount was overlooked, and I proceeded to douse my hands in the oily liquid that emerged from the bottle. I began to rub my hands together…and rub…and rub…and rub, to no avail. The layer of grease on my hand simply would not go away. I wanted nothing more than to remove these confounded liquid gloves to no avail, reason number one that liquid gloves are a bad idea.

I left the store and went to Best Buy, where I proceed to try wiping the mess on every available display item within reach, but was once again disappointed. Only after leaving ten minutes later had my hands returned to normal.

Let this be a warning to anyone planning to use Gloves in a Bottle. Do not use if you plan plan to shake someone’s hand, use your car stereo, or touch anything in general in the next hour.

How to be an Internet Loser in Real Life

*I’d like to preface this post by saying that I’m not a Scientologist, nor will I ever be*

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a recovering stumble addict, but some people just take the internet too seriously and too far. The “protests” organized against Scientology by the internet group Anonymous were a perfect example of the superficial and meaningless causes so fervently championed by those who live through their network cable. It’s just sad to see a group of people who have so little in the way of a real life that they feel the need to insult those who have found a community they interact with in real life on a daily basis- not on the off occasion that they can find time from their busy World of Warcraft schedules.

What is the problem with people holding faith in something, regardless of whether or not you believe it to be true yourself? I’m no Scientologist, and I personally think some of their beliefs are ridiculous- but they don’t bother me, so why bother them? I also value my time far too much too waste it on so useless a cause. What did they gain but media recognition? If you do believe the CoS is a cult, then you would also agree that no amount of pleading, reasoning, or logic will convince them to give up on the organization, and they are the only ones who can make a change.

If you really want to raise awareness, do it by providing easily accessible information regarding the questionable practices of the Church of Scientology and let the public fight your war for you. After looking for Anonymous’ reasons behind targeting the CoS, however, one tends to find a general lack of well-founded accusations.

So please, next time remember that the only thing gained in a peaceful protest is media attention, which is useful if you want to organize the people of a democracy against a government, but not if you are attacking a religion. Then again, who knows? I could be wrong about all of this and Scientology is completely evil and Anonymous will save us all.